One month ago, my grandfather died. We all knew it was coming so we prepared ourselves, but I think that you cannot really prepare for what it’s coming after. Family and friends have sent wishes, but I don’t know exactly what to say, how to respond, and how to talk with these people.
All I wanted to do is to hide for a day from the world, be alone, and think about all good memories I had with my favorite grandfather.
My grandfather struggled for two months to stay alive. It was so difficult seeing him weak and fragile. I remember that I spend most of my free time with him, at the hospital, talking about everything that happened to me that day. I just wanted for him to forget for a moment that he is in the hospital. I wanted to escape the reality, even just for an hour.
I cannot say that he suffered hugely as he never complained before he died, but deep inside I knew that something is wrong and he doesn’t want to share that with us. It was difficult for all of us because we did not know how to help him. We know that he has a heart problem, but because of his age (73), there wasn’t a solution that would fix the problem.
I thought that I would feel relieved, now that his pain has ended, but that feeling last only for a day. I think that I was in shock and I didn’t quite understand what is happening. You cannot control your feelings, you cannot control your thoughts, and you cannot avoid the fact that someone you knew is gone. Once you will face with this, you start to feel a pain, like your heart, is broken and empty.
I’m glad that we spent his last days together, I feel that was our goodbye.